THE BIBLICAL VIEW OF DOMESTIC VIOLANCE

Domestic violence has been a part of nearly every human culture since the beginning of creation. It is an example of the sin nature’s concept that it is the privilege of the strong to exploit the weak. You can not blame the Bible or Christianity for domestic violence which has been around long before the Bible was even written. It is also most prevalent in households and societies where the Bible has the least impact. Please note that I did not say where “Christianity” is not professed.

There are also many who claim to be “Christians” and display their Bibles like a coffee table ornament, but they do not submit to any of its teachings that they do not like. Husbands may shove “wives submit to your husbands” down the throats of their wives. This command is actually found twice in the Bible in passages that also have parts instructing men on how they are to treat their wives. The wording of these passages are too cut and dry for anyone to claim that there are different interpretations for them. Many refuse to obey because these passages conflict with the desires of their sin nature. Some will not even acknowledge that these passages exist.

The first of these is a twelve verse passage found in the letter to the Ephesians. The first three verses instruct wives about how to treat their husband and the next five instruct husbands how they are to treat their wives. The last four verses are directed to both of them as partners in a marriage covenant. This entire passage also is intended to show that the marriage covenant is actually an analogy of the relationship between Christ and His church.

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” (Ephesians 5:22-33)

The parts of this passage that instruct husbands show that the role of the husband is not a privilege, but a responsibility. Both the husband and the wife should realize that this responsibility is a tremendous burden that should not be taken lightly. As I said before, the marriage covenant is an analogy and the husband’s role is to try and be to his wife what Christ is to His Church in spite of his human frailties. Husbands have no right to hold their wives to the parts of this passage that pertains to her if they refuse to obey the parts that are directed at him to the best of his ability.¹ Just as Christ never abused the Church, so husbands should never abuse their wives. This pertains to both physical and emotional abuse.

Another passage that is found in the letter to the Colossians is for the most part a two verse summation of the Ephesians passage, but also includes two additional verses pertaining to children and their parents.

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers,² provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.³” (Colossians 3:18-21)

Hurtful words and deeds of berating and rejection are emotionally abusive and lead to anger and discouragement in children by crushing their self-esteem. So are emotionally and physically abusive words and deeds directed towards their mothers who they look to for physical and emotional security. Saying and doing such things puts you in conflict with this passage.

It always perplexes me to see how much better some people treat other people’s children than they treat their own. Then they wonder why they cannot get their own children to obey them. Yes, you have to be careful that you do not get in trouble with other parents by overstepping your bounds and undermine the other parents’ child rearing strategy. You also have the right to raise your child any way you so see fit. Have you ever considered giving up that right and start dealing with your child in a manner that you have already proven works with everybody else’s children?

Now let me present another scripture shown to me by those who believe that it deals directly with domestic violence.

“Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the Lord God of Israel says ‘That He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence,’ Says the Lord of hosts. ‘Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.’" (Malachi 2:14-16)

If you start reading in verse 1 of this chapter; you will find that the entire passage actually deals with the subject of men discarding their sacred marriage covenants and were divorcing their wives. They were doing this just because they wanted to marry other women were generally from the heathen world. This is an example of men assuming to have the “right of absolute rule over their households.” This means that if the husband is a tyrant, the wife and children must simply endure him as the rest of the community stands aside doing and saying nothing in opposition.

There are many so called “Christian” societies still have these same practices and traditions. Not only do they predate the Bible, but also in conflict with it. My work with the refugee community has brought me in contact with such societies. I have found that domestic violence was considered to be a part of a man’s “right of absolute rule over his household.” So the fact that domestic violence may or may not be the actual focus of this passage is a moot point to me.

Another thing to consider is that domestic violence is a form of oppression.

“Learn to do good; Seek justice, Rebuke the oppressor; Defend the fatherless, Plead for the widow.” (Isaiah 1:17)

“Thus says the Lord: ‘Execute judgment and righteousness, and deliver the plundered out of the hand of the oppressor. Do no wrong and do no violence to the stranger, the fatherless, or the widow, nor shed innocent blood in this place.’” (Jeremiah 22:3)

Now let’s talk about how Jesus taught us treat our treat our enemies. Should treat our enemies better than we treat our wives and children?

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you…”

(Matthew 5:43-44)

Also consider that Jesus taught us how we are to treat all human beings. Are wives and children exempt from the benefits of these commands?

“Jesus said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:37-40)

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." (John 13:34-35)

The apostle Paul taught on proper Christian conduct and character as well in his letters to various churches.

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…”

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23)

Jesus also told us what his role is in the lives of the oppressed in what I refer to as His personal mission statement.

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord." (Luke 4:18-19)

This is just a small sampling of scripture that deal with the subject of domestic violence from many different angles. One final angle to consider is that God is a good and loving father. He loves and protects all of His children ― especially the ones who cannot defend themselves ― and especially the girls! How would you feel if someone was hurting one of your kids? God feels the same way!

¹ The reverse of this is also true as far as wives needing to obey the parts of this passage that pertain to them.

² Fathers may be singled out here because they were in charge of the disciplining the children in that society, but these instructions also pertains to mothers in our present day society because they share the burden of child discipline.

³ Children throwing temper tantrums because they are not getting their way does not lead to discouragement and therefore, this passage does not pertain to such situations.

FREEDOM TO SIN VS. FREEDOM TO LIVE

Thirteen generation ago, are country was founded on the Christian morals taught in the Bible. Unfortunately the first eleven generations were hypocritical in applying them. Slavery of the blacks, the attempted genocide of the Indians and bigotry towards all non-whites were all done in the name of Christianity. And those were just the headlines. We, like all prosperous nations, became an arrogant nation. In public we pretend to be a "Cleaver" like household (remember the show, "Leave it to Beaver"). Unfortunately many of our privet life were anything but. We were a society of "Jecklys and Hides". Does that mean that the Christian morals are bad? The twelfth generation sure thought so. This was my parent's generation, "the hippies".

There cause was not all bad. They were right to speak out against the hypocrisy and to advocate the cause of the powerless. But they went way further then that. Instead of just seeing that some of the people who were in authority were wrong, they saw the entire institution of authority as being wrong. And instead of seeing the blatant misuse of the Bible being bad, they saw the Bible it's self as being bad. Therefore they rebelled against authority in general and the commands of the Holy Scriptures. Many have treated the Bible and the Christians who live by it, as if they are a threat to them personally. I think some of them would rather have their children involved with drugs and gangs then a Bible Study. Some advocate the rights for children to bring guns, condoms and gang apparel to school; but teachers and students should never bring a Bible. What has been the result? They say freedom, freedom to do what ever they want. I can't argue the fact that we have much more freedom to sin, but we also have much less freedom to live.

Let's start with the epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases and AIDS. I'm tired of hearing the "safe sex" schemes. Abstinence requires self-disciple and self-control, two characteristics that are not being developed in children today. These go beyond just issues of morality. People show little or no self discipline or self control in handling adversity, controlling there anger, resolving conflicts, managing finances, holding a job, exercising personal freedoms (like driving a car), etc. So real problem is not morality; it self discipline and self-control. As they go, so goes the society.

Now let us look at how our society has changed. Back in my Grandparent's day, people left their front doors open during the day and were not afraid to walk out at night or to talk to strangers. Now we live in fear of gangs and drugs. Women need to learn self defense to protect them from being rape by any guy walking down the street, as well as abuse from there partner. Children carry guns to school and use them on other children. Anti-Government extremist murder innocent civilians in an attempt to "win" more "freedoms."

But hay, if we are free to choose our own morals then who is to say anyone is wrong. There is nothing wrong with husbands beating up their wives, men raping women, kids killing kids or parents murdering their own children. After all, if there conscience is not bothered by it then it must be O.K., right?

If you believe that all of that is not O.K., then you must believe that society should set down some universal morals. Do you have any suggestions on an effective means of creating such a standard? How about communicating this standard on a broad basis? And what about being able to develop this standard in the members of our society.

I know that Biblical Christianity can do all three, if people would apply it completely. Granted the church is notorious for getting sidetracked into doing other things, but wonderful things happen when it does get on track. And if all the concerned citizens jump on board rather then trying to derail us all the time, this society would have it made!

Now go and look at any list of what someone believes to be the top ten problems facing our society. There are a lot of them out there. How many would be cured by a spiritual revival? You see that some of these are not have to do with morality. It does not matter, the Bible gives practical knowledge about how to live, resolve conflicts, face down adversity, control the dark side of your personality, getting your finances under control, etc. You just need to take the time to read it and understand it; then you can apply it. But maybe that is not what you want for our society. Maybe you would rather be free to sin even more, no matter how much it suppresses all of our freedom to live!

ONE CHRISTIAN’S DEFENCE OF THE BIBLICAL VIEW OF HOMOSEXUALITY

In our society, those of us that disapprove of homosexuality are labeled “homophobic.” We Christians are said to be full of fear and hated towards those that are different from us! But is this fair, or is it just hypocritical bigotry on the part of those who hate us Christians and the moral standards that we live by? After all, only the most immature Christians get angry and lash out when someone advocates morals that differ from ours. The rest of us more mature, but non-compromising Christians will lovingly and respectfully disagree in the most diplomatic manner possible. The same cannot be said about many those anti-Christians who go around blasting us Christians for being “homophobics.” As a matter of fact, we Christians are openly ridiculed in public more for our life stile by anti-Christians then the other way around.

So tell me something, is everything I disapprove of considered to be a hate filled phobia? I disapprove of kids joining violent street gangs, should I be ripped for being a hate filled “gangaphobic”? I disapprove of recreational drugs use, should I be ripped for being a hate filled “drugaphobic”? I disapprove of male chauvinism, should I be ripped for being a hate filled “male chauvaphobic”? I disapprove of racism, should I be ripped for being a “racaphobic”? On the contrary, the vast majority of anti-Christians would applaud me for making such stances. And they would be hypocrites for doing so! After all, do they not claim that everybody has the right to choose any life style that they want? So if the anti-Christians want to show some consistency in their belief systems — then they need to stop supporting gang and drug intervention programs as well as the civil rights movements. After all, those who support of these programs are imposing their values on others. Do not get me wrong; we non-compromising Christians support all such activities. We believe that our society would be better off if everybody stopped using recreational drugs and got out of street gangs. We also want an end to all forms of racism and sexism. This includes racist acts and attitudes of women and minorities against whites and males! These positions are all consistent with the commands of our Lord God. So, it is not inconsistent for us to want everybody to obey all of His loving, holy, and righteous commands!

Now, let me take a moment to bring up a point about homosexuality that most. But I am not even going to bother quoting Bible verses, because I know that they will be rejected by those who disagree with my position. So lets deal with this subject from a secular standpoint. I will start of with the homosexual’s means of making love. I do not know much about what various means lesbians perform their acts of loving making, but I do have some incite on the act of anal sex. I have never actually experienced such an act, but I have experienced the next worse thing — (brace yourself for this one because it is a bit grafic) — enemas and suppositories. For those of you who have never had these procedures done for you, they are about the most uncomfortable thing that you will ever have done. Even though the enemas and suppositories or designed to be no more painful and uncomfortable then necessary, God just simply did not create the sphincter mussel to move both ways. Therefore, having something put in your anus be it an enema, suppository or fully erected human penis is going to be painful.

So ask yourself, why would a loving God create an act of love that is such a painful experience for one of the lovers involved? I know that there are some heterosexual couples that participate in masochistic forms of sexual intimacy. Such couples really do need serious help. I do not mean this in a condescending way, but with compassionate concern for those involved. Anyone who believes that acts of love should be painful has a warped understanding of what love is. No one is ever going to convince me that the homosexual act of lovemaking is any other than another form of masochistic sex! It therefore make perfect sense to me that the few openly gay people that I have met have had some form of physical, emotional and/or sexual abuse done to them by a significant adult figure in their live. How else could someone associate love and pain as being part of the same act?

I am now going to finish this by telling you a true story about a homosexual friend of mine named, Kevin. Kevin and I went to the Phoenix Job Corps from 1988-1989, where I lead a campus Bible study. The first day that we met we decided to walk down to a fast food restaurant in order to get something to eat. I have no idea to this day of why he chose to confide in me that he was homosexual. I, with him already knowing that I was a Christian, simply said to him, “well I guess you know where I stand on that.” Nothing else was need to be said because everybody knows that devout Christians oppose such behavior and I would have gained nothing by preaching to him. Some weeks later the news, “Kevin is gay,” went rippling through the male dormitory. And the first thing I thought was of disappointment, “Oh great, the secret is out.” The next day I went in to the crowded cafeteria and saw him. Not only was not only was the table that he was sitting at empty, but so were all the table that surrounded it. I thought to myself, “It has begun.” I — in the full view of everybody watch — sat down next to him knowing full good and well that I would shock everybody in that room. When I was confronted about it later by another Christian, I told her that his sins were no different from anyone else, and that God loves him just as much as anyone else. I hold to both of those truths to this day.

So as you see, I am not someone who is possessed by a hateful phobia of homosexuals. What I am is someone with strong sense of what is right and wrong. Homosexuality is wrong, but so is hating anyone for any belief that they might have! This rebuke I direct towards both side of this debate!