SELF-ESTEEM

Self-esteem: (Webster’s) n. 1. a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect.

This definition of self-esteem seems to base on a positive self-esteem. You could say that it is a goal that all humans strive for. So why do we not reach it? Many people have a lot of different explanations for this dilemma, but I believe that I can sum up all of them in one word: Shame! The terms guilt and shame are used interchangeably in the English language, but I see this as a problem. That is because some feeling of remorse are beneficial to us and others are destructive. In the definitions that I am about to give, I will use the term guilt to describe positive remorse and shame to describe destructive remorse.

Guilt: (Webster’s) n. 2. a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

Shame: (Webster’s) n., v. shamed, shaming. n. 1. the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another: She was overcome with shame.

Guilt vs. Shame: (My view) The Webster’s definition for shame expresses a much stronger emotion then its definition for guilt. The severity of these emotions can cause long-term repercussions. Although Webster’s may not totally agree with how I expand that thought, the following is an understanding that I have received from many different sources. Guilt says you are a human being who just simply messed up. Shame says you did something terrible and even unforgivable. Guilt says you did something wrong¹; but shame can lead to the belief that there is something wrong with you. We are not talking about coming to the realization that you are a sinner in need of God’s forgiveness through the shed blood of his Son. That is a Biblical understanding that we all need to come to. What we are talking about is believing that you are unworthy of forgiveness and are without hope.² And that is a lie of Satan!

¹ Romans 3:10-24, 5:12, 5:18-19

² John 3:16-17; Romans 5:1-11, 5:15-17, 10:8-13

BOUNDARIES VS. WALLS

Boundaries: (Webster’s) n. 1. something that indicates bounds or limits; a limiting or bounding line.

(My view) Limitations set in order that all parties involved can feel safe enough to be themselves, live in peace and grow in their intimacy with each other. This is not only the order of progression for relationship with boundaries; but it is also the order of destruction for those without.

Walls: (Webster’s) n. 3. an immaterial or intangible barrier, obstruction, etc., suggesting a wall: a wall of prejudice.

(My view) Attitudes, actions and restrictions that undermine a relationship’s ability to exist. Walls keep feelings in and people out.

Boundaries vs. Walls: (My view) Setting boundaries is the first lesson that most of us co-dependents learn in recovery. We have been walked on all of our lives. We are sick and tired of being sick and tired and we are not going to take any more. So we start “setting down the rules”. But what kind of rules do we set down? What effect will these rules have on our relationship?

I have seen so many co-dependents with a controlling nature take the principles of boundaries and misuse it to justify them doing what they have always tried to do, control those around them. They wield boundaries over everybody’s heads like a sledgehammer. And if you do not tow the line, the hammer will drop. This does not bring about a safe and peaceful environment that will allow the relationship to grow in intimacy.

I will acknowledge that there are relationships that need to be severed. Those relationships that was not only a mistake to get into; but also pose such a danger to the person’s well being that they must leave for their own safety. This does not justify divorcing your spouse just because they have a list of annoying habit or a thick skull. I have noticed that the ones who are the most frustrated with their spouse’s thick skull have skulls that are just as thick. But domestic violence is another matter altogether. It is as much as a violation of the marriage covenant as adultery. Not only does the Bible command husbands to love your wives; but it also warns repeatedly that God is angered by those who oppress those who cannot defend themselves.¹

¹ Jeremiah 7:1-7; Amos 4:1-3; Zechariah 7:8-10; Ephesians 5:23-33; Colossians 3:19; 1 Peter 1:7

WHAT IS LOVE AND TOUGH LOVE?

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Love

There are two primary Greek words that are translated as “love” in the English New Testament of the Bible: agapē and philĕō. Agapē is commonly defined by Christian as “unconditional love.” It is interesting to note that agapē is also translated as charity in 1 Corinthians 13 in the King James Version of the Bible. This expresses agapē’s willingness to give without expecting anything in return. Although just about everybody of every religious belief would agree that agapē style love is something to strive for; Christians alone realize that it can only be fulfilled to its fullest extent with God’s power working in our lives.

Philĕō is badly underrated by most Christians to the point of receiving a bad rap. It is what we feel towards those who are close to us. This would include both family and friends. A more technical definition would be “to be a friend (fond of [an individual or an object]), ie. Having affection for (denoting personal attachment, as a matter of sentiment or feeling…”¹ Most Christians seem look at the prominent role that agapē plays through out the New Testament and conclude that philĕō is a second rate expression of love. After all, philĕō is an emotion and us Christians are not suppose to be guided by our emotions. But the Bible tells us that God feels philĕō for both His Son and for us.² It also tells us that we philĕō God’s Son and that we should feel philĕō for each other.³ It should also be realized that the biggest reason that agapē is given some much prominence is because as I said earlier, it goes entirely against human nature. Philĕō on the other hand is even demonstrated by people who are in the world. This is therefore the conclusion that I have come to:

Although feeling and emotions may not be strong enough to sustain our relationships in the long term, they do give meaning to them. They motivate us in to action. It is the philĕō that I have for my family and friends that make me want to do acts of agapē. The hardest part about my loving and forgiving my enemies who I hardly know is the fact that I have no real incentive to good out of my way to make peace with them. Maybe it is someone at work or even church that I never see any other time. Or maybe a neighbor that I will only cross paths will by chance. But if it is someone who’s relationship that I value, I will loose sleep at night trying to figure out how to reconcile. I know that this is not a Biblical; but it is the way it is. Agapē may be how we save our relationship; but philĕō is why.

Tough Love

The most controversial aspect of love, from a Christian standpoint, is “tough love”. Many Christians not only refuse to believe that there is any Biblical support for such a concept, but that the entire concept its self goes entirely against scripture. They would have a strong case if it were not for the fact that their evidence is based on those who divorce much if not their entire recover program, including their understanding of “tough love”, from the Bible. Let me give you an example of a real life situation in which I advocated the use of Biblical tough love:

A lady was giving me a ride home from work one night. She told me about her moving to Phoenix in order to help out her little sitter after their mother had past away. This sister, who was in her late twenties, had been babied by their mother and had never grown up. Therefore this lady, a single parent of a seven year old, was going to take over where their mother had left off. She asked me, “Isn’t this what God would want me to do?” I asked her, “Do you believe that God wants her to grow up and be more responsible?” She replied, “Yes.” Then I ask, “Is what you are doing making it possible for her to not have to grow up?” One again she replied, “Yes.” Finally I ask her, “So is this what God what’s you to do?” See replied, “No.”

The problem that so many co-dependants have is that they hate to see people, especially their loved ones, suffer to the point that those who are irresponsible do not have to grow up. They cannot see that rescuing someone from the consequences of their own actions actually does them more harm then good. It is one thing to help someone who is struggling because of things that are beyond their control or from mistakes that they have made and have learned from and are trying to rebound from. It is another thing all together when they are suffering the repetitive consequences of their own repetitive actions, especially when these actions are blatant acts of sin.

Co-dependents are also entirely unaware of the games that irresponsible people play in order to get others to enable them. Let us take for example your typical alcoholic/drug addict. They go to their family members with a sob story about how hard up they are because of this, that and some other thing. They tell their family members that they just need a few dollars to get them by to their next paycheck so they can pay a bill or get some food. As soon as they get the money, they are off to the nearest liquor store or drug dealer. One family member after another will start seeing through their games over time and start cutting them off. As they start running out of enabling family members, they start going more and more to “friends” with their now sobbier story about how hard up they are because of this, that and some other thing. And to make matters worse, their own family does not care enough about them to help them out. They will find new enablers almost as fast as they lose the old ones.

So if they are spending almost all of their cash on drugs and alcohol, then where do they get food to eat? Having work with my churches food pantry, I can tell you from first had observation how the “career homeless”⁴ operates. I do not care what anyone else tells you, it is a fact that no adults go hungry in this country unless their too proud to ask for help or their motivation to take care of themselves have been wiped out by depression or hard drugs. With all of the food pantries and soup kitchen and the fact that panhandlers make more money per hour then many hard working citizens do, you do not have to worry about them going hungry. They know the system and they know how to use it the same way they use their family and “friends”. And when they do get hard up for cash, they will go to the day labor halls where they will give feeble work for feeble pay. Because they are not require to make any commitment to their employer beyond that day, they will go and work a day or two when ever they need money to by anything that can not get from the food pantries, soup kitchen and other social services. The number one idem on their list are drugs and alcohol. This is the reason that those who are professional construction workers refer to all day laborers as “rent-a-drunks”. I myself have worked day labor, so I know that everybody who does are true “rent-a-drunks;” but I also know for a fact that a notable percentage are.

So how does the Bible say that we should deal with those who choice to live in a pattern of redundant irresponsibility and sin? When Paul, in the above scripture reference instructed the church on how to deal with an immoral believer, he told them to, “...hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord.”⁵ He would later say, “…Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan to be taught not to blaspheme.”⁶ Hand people over to Satan?! That seam kind of harsh to me! Unfortunately, that is what it takes to get though to some people. What is worse is that some people still will not learn even after such an ordeal. Do not get the idea that this in any way suggest that we should be praying curses over anyone. Handing them over to Satan simply means that we stop trying to shelter them from the consequences of their actions. A person who rejects the ways of God and follows Satan into a blatantly sinful life is on a path of destruction. We need to be praying for God’s intervention. But ultimately it will come down to them making decisions at various crossroads of live. At some point in time they will reach that final crossroad and be given that one final choice, we can only pray that it will be the right one. Some, such as the immoral believer in 1 Corinthians 5:1-5, do finally repent. It is believed by many, including myself, that he is the one the Paul refers to in 2 Corinthians 2: 3-11. Paul then instructs the church to:”…reaffirm your love for him...in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.”

The concept of tough love is something that many co-dependents are too eager to embrace. Those who were doormats are more than happy to free themselves, while those who have always been controlling and manipulative find justification for doing what comes naturally. That is because most people in recovery are taught this concept absent of the guidance of the Bible.

The first time I tried to use what I called “tough love”, it was in order to get a friend to change into what I wanted her to be. The Holy Spirit convicted me by calling it “emotional blackmail.” I tried to use our friendship as leverage to get her to come out of her co-dependent denial. If she would not change then it would be unhealthy for me to remain friends with her. I tried justifying this attitude by believing that I was doing this for her own good; but the fact was that was doing it to get my own wants met. I had romantic intensions towards her and wanted her to take away my loneness. She was afraid of getting close to people so she tried to get her needs met be trying to meet everybody else’s needs. Yes, her behavior was defiantly dysfunctional; but my agenda for confronting her was just as bad.

A lot of what I have seen done in the name of “tough love” would best be described as blackmail. If our significant others does not straighten up and fly right, then they are going to suffer the consequences. After all, their significant others are the cause of most of their problems; and so they cannot fix their own problems until after their significant others change. This is a bogus notion that nearly every co-dependant embraces early on in their recovery. Some of them never give it up!

Some of the demands for change do not even involve unhealthy behaviors. Sometimes it is a matter of the person who is applying the “tough love” is just intolerant of the differences in others. They have a self-righteous, judgmental standard for what is and is not appropriate behavior that they expect everyone to conform to. This too is an unbiblical usage of tough love.

¹ Strong's Bible Concordance, Greek Dictionary of the New Testament, ref. #5368

² John 5:20, 16:27; Revelation 3:19

³ John 16:27; Romans 12:10; Titus 2:4, 3:4, 3:15, Hebrews 13:1; 1 Peter 1:22, 3:8; 2 Peter 1:9

⁴ Note that there is a big difference between someone being homeless because of bad breaks or choices that they have learned and grown from, and someone who makes a career out of being homeless.

⁵ 1 Corinthian 5:5

⁶ 1 Timothy 1:20

THE RIVER CROSSING

I hiked the Wind River Mountains in Wyoming with my Boy Scouts troop back when I was 14. During the hike, we came to a river that we would have to wade across. My Dad, who was volunteering to help out on the hike, found a spot that was shallow enough for us to wade across safely. We were given clear instructions before we started, “cross against the current.” But as I look up stream, I saw how fast the current was and thought to myself, “that looks too hard.” I tried picturing myself trying to push myself, one foot at a time, against the force of the river. It seemed like it would be too hard to do. I looked down stream and knew that crossing with the current would be a mistake. Then I looked straight across, and the current just did not seem so strong. So I decided to ignore the orders of my Dad, Scout Master and all the other adults with us that day.

When my turn came, I started to take a straight path across the river! As I did, everybody on both sides were yelling for me to cross against the current; but I thought, “I will show them, this is so much easier.” Just before I got out to about waist high, my foot slipped; but I quickly regained my balance. I thought to myself, “Hah — I caught myself!” But everyone continued to yell for me to cross against the current! Then I took the next step; actually I tried to take my next step. As I extended my left leg, the force of the current pushed it down stream of my right leg! At that time my legs were crossed! Everyone continued to yell to me and then I thought that maybe I should listen. I quickly repositioned my right leg to regain my balance; but before I could find a good spot to set it, the force of the river pushed my left leg down stream again! Quick I tried to reposition my right leg; but then the force of the current did it again! This time I had no chance to recover. The force of the current pushed me over side ways and began to carry me down stream. Fortunately, one of the older scouts jumped in immediately and pulled me to shore.

Two or three days later, we had to cross another river. Again my Dad found a spot shallow enough for us to cross at. Again we were instructed to cross against the current. This time I followed directions. It was strenuous pushing one foot at a time directly into the force of the current; but it did not take me long to realize something. Crossing against the current put my body in a Poisson that give me the stability to stand my ground. I finally crossed the river, I was a little bit fatigued in my legs; but I was dry from the waist up.

When we confronted with adversity in life, we try our hardest to avoid dealing with it head on. After all, there is just so must stress involved in dealing with such situation. So we try to find what appears to be an easier rout. But the adversity keeps coming and our attempts to avoid it have left us in a position to where we cannot take steps to alleviate them. We wind paying the price in the end in the form of the weakening or even total lose of our family relationships, friendships, goals, dream, joy, serenity, sobriety and even our sanity. Then we turn around and blame the people and circumstances involved in the adversity for all our misery. Or we act like we are bullet proof, “it is all water under the bridge,” we tell our selves and others. But this is far from accurate; it is actually water over our heads!

SWIMMING LESSONS

I took a survival swimming course shortly after graduating from high school. We were taught how to do the, “survival bob.” If we were ever stranded in the water and needed to buy time for help to arrive, we would go threw repetitive cycle of relaxing our arms allowing ourselves to sink below water for a few seconds so we can rest them, and then paddle our way back above water for a few seconds to get more oxygen. By doing this, you are supposed to be able to survive out in the ocean for several days.

I am to this day a poor swimmer, so my instructor and I thought it would be good for me to send my free time practicing basic swimming. So while he would be busy with some one else or just relaxing, I would push myself as far out as possible from the side of the pool in front of him at the deep end and practice swimming back. I did this several times in a row and then decided to do it just one more time. That was one more time then my arms had the strength to pull me back.

I quickly calmed myself and went into the “survival bob” routine that I had just been taught. I rested my arms, and after being underwater for a few second, I started paddling myself back above water. The instant my head broke the surface, I calmly called out for help; but my arms were fatigued again. And so I rested them long enough to get some straight back in them and then shot back to the. This time I knew my instructor would be read for me.

As soon as broke the surface, I heard him say, “Jason, over here!” I could not see him because of all the splashing I was doing, but I heard were the voice had come from. I reach out in that direction and then felt my wrist being grabbed and then me being pulled. After I was back holding the side of the pool, my instructor commended me for my efforts.

Life is full of growth and challenges. God is pleased when we step out and take risks that will improve our relationship with Him and all that He has created. God wants us to strive for these noble goals that He has placed in our hearts. This is how He transforms us into the image of his Son. And when we fall short, He will always be right there to get us out of our jams. He will not condemn us for not meeting these goals; but instead He will commend us for our obedience and courage.

ORDINARY CITIZENS BRINGING THIS WAR ON TERROR TO AN END

September 11, 2001 — the day the War on Terror “officially” began. In this election year, 3 years later, the two main Presidential candidates (as well as their political parties) are debating over what has been done and what should be done next. The Republican Party incumbent, President George W. Bush, wants use to believe that everything is going according to his master plan and that we must reelect him in order that we can stay this course. His Democratic Party challenger, Senator John Kerry, wants use to believe that the path that we are on is totally wrong and that he must become President in order to steer us in the right direction. We the voters may be divided on whether or not what our politicians have done so far is right or wrong. We may also be divided on what they need to be done next. But ever voter in America is in agreement on one thing: WE WANT THIS WAR ON TERROR TO END ASAP! So, what do I think needs to be done to end this war? There are a number of things that I believe need to be done. Some need to be done by our politicians, but following lists are things that I believe need to be done by the ordinary citizens of the world:

The ordinary citizens ON all sides need to do the following:

1. Stop making and supporting those who make inflammatory speeches about the other side: From 2001 - 2003, I was watching the Israel-Palestine crisis especially closely. With all of the Muslims I was helping while assisting the refugee community; I need to stay up to date on this issue because I was being constantly being questioned about Israel’s conduct. The thing that I found to be most telling about the character of both side was their public relations campaigns. The Israelis and the Palestinians shared a common motto that went something like this: “If you do not have something bad to say about the other side; then do not say it at all!” Whenever one side would do or say something productive; a media reporter would ask an official representative form the other side to comment. In every occasion, that representative would brush aside question about the other side’s productive action or statement and would refocus the interview on something negative about that side.

It did not take me long to figure out that neither side was trying to inform the outside world as to what the truth was. All they were doing was making statements designed to stir up anger and hatred in the hearts of the listeners. Some of it was geared towards getting more outside support for their cause; but most of it was geared towards their side’s own radicals. Motivating them to keep fighting the “good” fight to the bitter and bloody end no matter what! Is this the first step to making peace with your neighbor?

2. Stop making and supporting those who make excuses for the sins that have been made by their side — and start demanding that everybody “plays by the same set of rules”: Another thing that the Israelis and the Palestinians shared is a hypocritical use of civilian casualty statistics in order to justify the murderous acts of their side. The Palestinians place bombs in places were there is a high amount of Israeli civilian traffic. The Israelis denounce these murders only to then retaliate by launching rocket attacks against a single car being used by those believed to be responsible for those bombings. These strikes often occur while the streets are crowded with Palestinian civilians and therefore guarantees that many of them will get hit by shrapnel. The Palestinians then use these retaliatory murders as an excuse to call for more bombings. At the end of the day, 90% – 95% of all casualties caused by both sides against each other are unsuspecting, innocent, and defenseless civilians.

While condemning these Palestinian bombing, the Israelis neglects to point out the fact that the Palestinians are using the same tactics against them that they used against the British while pushing for their own independence. In 1946, Menachem Begin participated in the bombing of the King David Hotel in Jerusalem. Ninety-one unsuspecting, innocent, and defenseless civilians were murdered. Another 45 were injured. In 1977, Begin was elected Prime Minister of Israel. In 1978, he won the Nobel Peace Prize. In an interview made in the last year or two, Begin walks around this hotel and proudly shows a reporter the exact spots that he placed the bombs and how he concealed them. He never expressed any remorse for those that he had murdered because “he was doing what needed to be done.”

3. Stop trying to provoke one another in to doing something that we can then use against them in the court of public opinion: When the current intifadah started back in 2000, the Palestinians were condemning the Israelis for their use of excessive force against Palestinian civilians. They claimed that their civilian protestors — including children — were armed with nothing but stones. Israel on the other hand; was clearly seen using guns, tanks, and even helicopter gunships. It may be true that the civilians were only armed with stones, but they forgot to mention where the Palestinian Authority’s “Security” Forces were at the time. These “Security” Forces were supposed to be charged with keeping the peace. If they would have been out there doing their job when the unrest started; the Israelis would not have had come in and have done it for them. So, where were these “Security” Forces? They had taken up sniper positions against the Israeli Security Forces. So it is not accurate to say that these stone throwers were innocent and defenseless; but rather that they were bait. There job was to bait the Israelis into sniper ambushes. How then is it fair to condemn Israel for the deaths of these stone throwing children when their parents permitted — and in some cases even encouraged — these children to go into harms way in the first place?

4. Take a fair and balanced look at history and freely admit when our side was in the wrong: I know full well that many sins have been committed by my beloved country and those claim to adhere to my religion of Christianity, but let us be fair about this. There is no sin that has been committed by America or by Christians that not been committed by everybody else. This does not excuse it, but talking like America is the most evil major power ever in history is both erroneous and unfair. The same can be said for those that think Christian is the only religion that has had wrong done in its name. We have a saying in America, “THOSE WHO LIVE IN GLASS HOUSES SHOULD NOT THROW STONES!” Yes, America and Christians do live in glass houses, but so does our accusers!

Now, answer for me the following questions: When natural disasters strike, who are the first ones that are call upon to help? America and the “Christian” west. When the masses want to flee from their oppressive home lands, where do they all want to go? Again, America and the “Christian” west. When an oppressive government crosses the line and the people cry out for protection, who do they cry out to? Once again, America and the “Christian” west through the formality of asking the United Nations. One last question, which country is looked upon to send in the first troops under the UN banner? On most occasions, America. Should not any of this be taken into account when discussing the history of how the various religions, ethnicities, and nationals of the world have conducted themselves?

Now, answer me this question: Does anyone ever ask our accusers for help? No, because the only thing that our accusers are good at doing is destroy nations and reputations! OUR ACCUSERS HAVE NEVER LIBERATED ANY OPPRESSED PEOPLE! THEY HAVE IN FACT EXPLOITED THEM! The best example of this is when the al-Qaeda, who condemns America for interfering with internal matters of other nations, sent in foreign fighters to back the Taliban faction in the Afghan civil war. This in spite of the fact that most Afghans did not want to live under the Taliban’s oppressive rule. Al-Qaeda also condemns us for backing any government that lets us build military bases in their countries — especially those who oppress their own people and Israel for oppressing the Palestinians. Yet, al-Qaeda backed the oppressive Taliban so they could build terrorist training camps in Afghanistan.

None of this is offered to you as an excuse for any of the sins committed by America or by Christians. The fact is; nobody can say that their side has always been in the right and that every wrong has been committed by the other side. We Americas and Christians have over the past half century been leading the way in our willingness to not only admit such things, but also to repent of these sins and to try and make restitution for them. There is even more that we need to in this area, but at least we have started. Now; the rest of the world needs to get going and then catch up.

Ordinary Christians must get their focus back on following the teachings of Christ that are recorded in the Bible! “LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOU HEART, SOuL, mind, AND STRENGTH!” and “LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF!” The Arabs and Muslims are our neighbors too and we should therefore love them every bit as much as everybody else. Yes, Israel does have the right to defend its self, but giving them a license to sin is unbiblical! We should not be making excuses for Israel when they use tactics that would result in our own troops being court marshal if they ever used them. Most American/European Christians say that the Bible commands us to Bless Israel. So I ask you this, do you bless a hard core alcoholic or drug addict by giving them $20 in cash? No! Why not? Because you know that they are going to use that $20 to buy more of the same alcohol and drug that they have been ruining their live with. If Israel kills 20 unsuspecting, innocent, and defenseless civilians for every one terrorist that they kill, are they not giving their enemies more ammunition to use against themselves in the court of public opinion? Is this not a self-destructive path for them? Another thing to take into account is that not all 20 of the dead are Muslims; 2½% of all Palestinians living in palestine are Christians! Most of these arab Christian bothers and sisters are upset That American Christians support those that persecutes not only them, but all other Christians living under the Israeli flag! Does this not constitute Israel sinning against Christianity? Is this what god commands us to bless?

Ordinary Muslims must take control of their religion! Peaceable Muslims have been saying for years that their religion has been hijacked by the radical extremists. The same could be said about Christianity after the Roman Emperor Constantine declared Christianity the official religion of the Roman Empire. He, as well as subsequent Emperors, used Christianity to increase their power base which got in the Church side tracked from its original mission. It took several centuries of the Bible being made available to the common people for the Christianity to get back its original mission. Now, it is up to the Muslims to do the same. As far as I can tell, all of the Muslim leaders with large followings preach the use violence in the name of Islam, but those who preach peace have no followers. If this is true, and if those who preach violence are in error, then stop following them! forbid them from holding teaching positions! Those who preach peace in the name of islam need to rise up and take charge!

I hope that you have found this to be informative. My intension was not to blame any one side, but to show all sides that there are things that we can all do to extinguish the hatred that the terrorists feed upon! After all, these terrorist claim to be fighting on behalf of the poor and oppressed common people. It is therefore up to all of us, the common people, to tell them: “We do not want terroristic solutions to our social Ills! We want people of wisdom and reason to speak and act on our behalf to cure them! WE just want TO Glorify God by RAISE up our children in peace and safety!”

MY HUMANIZATION OF MUSLIMS

I am a murderer! A mass murderer in fact! Jesus taught in Matthew 5:21-22, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment.” In short, Jesus equated hatred to murder. That is because God wants us to be righteous from the inside out. Not only does God want us live righteous live; He also wants us to have righteous desires. He wants us to do what is right not because we have to, but because we want to. The way that God wants us to respond to those that have wronged us is with merciful actions and a hart full of compassion. Yes, those who commit crimes (such as the September 11^th attacks) should face justice in accordance to the laws of God and man; but He forbids imperfect mortal man to carry out acts of revenge.

On April 19, 1996, I committed genocide against every Muslim who adhered to the Islamic faith. It is not that I desired that we kill every Muslim man, woman and child; only to make them pay for what I thought they had just done to us. That was the day of the bombing of the federal building in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. By the time that I went to bed that night, all the speculation that I had heard that day is that it had to have been done by the Muslims. After all, every American knew that only Muslims committed such acts — or so we thought. My mind was still full of wrath when I went that night. I wanted us to declare war on every Muslim nation in the world and then go over and teach them a lesson. And just to rub it in, I wanted us to go out of our way to destroy every Muslim holy site starting with Mecca and the Dome of the Rock in Jerusalem. I was ready to step down from my position as a kindergarten Sunday School teacher at my then church in order to help do my part. When it was revealed the next day that the authorities had their first suspect in custody, Timothy McViegh, God convicted me of my hated and bigotry. Hatred and violence is not the way of the Christian, but yet that was the path that I had taken. How did I get there? And what did God do to get me to where I should be?

My long downwards journey began on November 4, 1979. I was 10½ years old and had never heard of Muslims, Islam, Arabs, the Middle East, etc. until that day. On that day militant Muslim follower of the Ayatollah Khomeini in Teheran, Iran, stormed the U.S. embassy there and took 90 people (including 62 Americans) hostage. The students then turned the Americans over to the Iranian Government who continued to hold them for a total 444 days. As a patriotic American, I saw this as an attack against our beloved country. This set a negative tone for the entire decade of the 1980s. All I ever heard in regards to Muslims was trouble. It seemed like they were cursing us while burning our flags just about every day. The list of the acts of terrorism that they committed by them against us — the numerous bombings, airplane and cruise line hijackings, the Beirut “peace keeping” fiasco, the taking of numerous civilian hostages in Beirut, etc. — would take pages to write. These events developed a view that Muslims were our mortal enemies. This belief was strengthened even more when I became a Christian. I would hear endless reports of them persecuting our Christian brothers and sisters in their home countries. I was taught that they were mortal enemies that we would be at war with forever and therefore could never live in peace with. I was also taught that God was on our side and concluded that their defeat would advance Christianity which would bring Him glory.

The decade of the 1990s started off just as bad. On January 16, 1991, we launched a successful full-scale military operation against Iraq with Operation Desert Storm, which we finished on February 17, 1991. During this engagement, I took sadistic delight in our routing of the Iraqi military. As the decade continued, there were some more skirmishes between us and Iraq, the bombing of U.S. embassies in Africa, as well as the first attack on the World Trade Center. The one almost bright spot of the 1990s started on December 9, 1992, when we commenced Operation Restore Hope in order to provide protection for relief workers in Somalia who were trying to help the starving victims of that country’s “civil” war. The first few months were great! The warlords left us alone as we went about the business of helping the needy civilians there. The news footage was full of grateful Somalis with big smiles on their faces as they received their allotment of food. One scene showed women and children sing and clapping as our troops walked past them. All though I did not understand a word that they were saying, their sincerity transcended all language barriers as they expressed their genuine gratitude towards us. One of our solders told a news reporter, “Hey, its Christmas time! And this is what Christmas is all about!” It looked like this would be an easy international public relations victory for America, but it was not to be. The local warlords found that the relief workers who were outside our sphere of protection were easy targets. The U.N. put a bounty on the head of one of the warlords, Mohamed Farah Aidid, when his faction killed 23 Pakistani peacekeepers. We took it upon ourselves to hunt down Aidid only to be baited into an ambush that cost the lives of 18 U.S. Rangers. The news footage change from Somalis who were grateful for our desperately needed help; to that of Somalis celebrating over the fallen bodies of some of our finest soldiers. Seeing this inflamed my anger towards them. I wanted us to extract retribution against everyone that was celebrating, even though many were women and children.

So, that is how I got to were I was on April 19, 1996, but how did I get to where I am now? Obviously that started the next day when God convicted me of my hated and bigotry. It is so easy to hate a nameless, faceless enemy who is less then human. Every campaign of genocide that has been lunched by man was not started until after a successful campaign of “dehumanization.” Once you convince yourself that your enemy is less then human, then it is easy for you to justify to yourself that it is okay to “just killing them all.” If “dehumanization” is the cause of the disease, then “humanization” is the cure. Seeing them not as a subhuman mortal enemy, but as another human being just like ourselves. I am not talking about simply reeducating your mind with a new way of thinking, but allowing our hearts to be transformed by the power of God’s love so that we can be capable of loving even the most unlovable. That is because the problem is not that our minds lack knowledge; but that our human hearts are — as the Bible correctly states — full of sin, hated, and violence.

My Muslim “humanization” journey started off unexpectedly. In 1998, a friend and I went to see a movie called “The Siege”. It was about a wave of terrorist attacks in New York City that the authorities responded to by proclaiming marshal law. The rights of everyone of Arab decent, American and other wise were trampled upon. All males of Arab decent over the age of 12 years were sent to an internment camp. The most thought provoking scene of the move was when an Arab American FBI agent assigned to the case finally vents his anger and disgust once he learns that his American born son was sent to the camp. As my friend and I left the movie, we shared our impressions of what we just saw with one another. The over all thought that had never occurred to be before that night dominated my mind as a result of watching was: Muslims are humans!

The next step in my humanization process can be summed up in one word: FELLOWSHIP. In March of 1999, I started helping my then church, (Covenant of Grace Christian Fellowship, Phoenix, Arizona) with an ESL (English as a Second Language) class. As a result, I met students from just about every country torn apart by “civil” war during my lifetime. One of our students was a Kosovar Muslim by the name of Zanel. I learned a lot first time that I went to visit his apartment on a purely social call. If you asked him what country he was from, he would tell you “Yugoslavia.” He had no interest in their “war of independence.” Zanel had sold children’s toys that he made by hand. I left his apartment that night with one word dominating my thoughts: DIGNITY! He was as proud as any American husband and father; who just trying to take care of his wife and children in spite of the circumstances that surrounded him. All he really wanted was to for them all was to raise his family in safety and provide for all of their needs. These were desires that he share with all fathers.

There was yet one more significant event in my Muslim “humanization” process. Several of the families that attended our ESL class were from Somalia. The head of one of these families was a husband and father named, Hussein. He and I sat down and had a nice social conversation the first night we met. During this time he presented me with the moderate Muslim view that all peace loving Christians and Muslims were both friends and brothers. After I left him that night, one thought just dominated my mind: he was just so PEACEABLE! I then thought about the first time I was presented with such a concept of Muslims, I rejected it. Back in the months following the Persian Gulf War, a couple that had served as my Sunday school teachers were getting ready to go over to Kuwait in order to repair the damage done by the Iraqis. They told us that not all Muslims were like the one on TV cursing us and burning our flags. Most of them just wanted to live in peace. I found that hard to believe. This reinforces my assertion from 3 paragraphs back, that the solution to hatred and bigotry is not educating our minds. After all, my mind was being educated by a couple that I had the highest regard for, but what I really needed was to have my heart transformed by the power of God’s love. I rejected the notion that most Muslims were peaceable people until I had allowed God to perform such a transformation of my own heart!

It was not until October of 2000 did I finally realize that I had been this life-altering journey. I was watching a documentary on T.V., part of which was about Operation Restore Hope, our attempt to bring relief to the people of Somalia. They replayed all of the news footage that I had remembered from back when it first happened. This included the post ambush footage which showed many of them dancing in calibration over the bodies of our dead soldiers. But my reaction this time was much different. There was no hate filled desire for retribution this time. One of the boys jumping up and down on the rotor of our downed helicopter resembled Adnan, one of Hussein’s sons. And as I watch I asked myself, how could I ever pour out such wrath on Adnan? Another clip showed one of their women dancing in the street. And when I looked closer at her I thought to myself that she looked just like Oto, a sweet Somali widow that I knew. How could I ever pour out such wrath on Oto? They were no longer just nameless faces; they were PEOPLE! People that I care deeply about!

A few days later is when footage of the 12 year old Palestinian boy being killed in a cross fire between Israeli security forces and Palestinian protesters. News footage poured in from around the world, including Egypt. It showed a crowd of Muslim women marching and cursing Israel and the US. But my attitude as I watched this march was different then in the past. I did not see thousands of enemies. I saw women that resembled a group of Iraqi women that had attended our ESL class. As I watch I thought to my self, I could be friends with these women if only we were given a chance to do so. And as I sat their pondered the attitudes that I had just 4 years earlier and compared them to the ones I have now, I realized that God had taught me a key lesson about being a Christian: No man is my enemy!

After the September 11^th attack, several Somalis asked me I was angry while we watch news footage about it. I told them with all honesty, “No.” They snickered a little as if they did not believe me, but it was the truth. My feelings were not of hatred towards Muslims, but of worry that Americans might hold all Muslims responsible and seek revenge against them. I fully desired that every terrorist responsible be brought to justice, but I was also filled with sorrow for all of the innocent civilians that I knew would loose their lives in the cross fire as we went after those who were responsible. I pray not only for the safety of our troops, but also for all of those who desire to just live in peace and harmony. These attitudes that Jesus instructed all of His followers to embrace: love the lord god with all your heart, soal, mind and strength! love your neibours as yourselve! for all man is created by our loving god!